You Don't Have To Say
by Melanie Athene
Summary: "Dean," Castiel said. "Whatever you have to say can wait until we've crossed over." "No." Dean shook his head. "It can't wait. It's already waited too long." Spoilers for s15e09


_"You did it. You did it, Cas."  
"Well, they're still after me. We should hurry."  
"Okay. Cas... I need to say something."  
"You don't have to say it. I heard your prayer."_

As their gazes met and held, precious seconds passed — seconds they didn't have to spare if they were to make it through the rift before it closed. Yet Dean found it impossible to look away. It was Castiel who turned to leave, freed by the nod of acknowledgement Dean gave him, and expecting nothing more to come of their 'chick flick' moment.

Dean stood momentarily frozen, staring after him. The prayer he'd sent out with such desperation had been answered. Castiel was back, relatively unscathed, and generously giving Dean not only his forgiveness but, more importantly, an out: no need to apologize in person.

It took but a heartbeat for Dean to realize what a coward he was being. What a miracle he'd been granted, and what a fool he'd be if he let this opportunity slip through his fingers. If Earth's days were numbered, and according to Chuck it very much seemed like they were, now might literally be the only remaining chance he had to truly make things right.

"Cas!" he cried.

Quick strides caught him up to the angel, just as they reached the rift. Castiel's eyes dropped to study the hand suddenly clasping his arm, and he frowned.

"Dean," he said. "We have less than a minute. Whatever you have to say can wait until we've crossed over."

"No." Dean shook his head. "It can't wait. It's already waited too long."

Dean's hand slid down the trench coat's sleeve until it touched the inside of Castiel's wrist, briefly caressing the delicate skin there before continuing on until their fingers were firmly entwined.

Blue eyes lifted to meet green. Castiel's mouth opened, but no sound came out. It was Dean who finally found the words he needed to say.

"I'm sorry I've been such a dick. You got that memo. But what I didn't say in my prayer... What I really need you to know... to believe... is that I love you."

"You... love me?"

"I love you."

The stunned silence that greeted this declaration was deafening. Dean felt his heart catch in his throat as he anxiously awaited a reply. Acceptance or rejection? He didn't know which frightened him more. But he'd finally spoken the truth he'd buried for so many years, a truth he'd tried to hide even from himself. And it felt good. It felt right. It felt...

"I'm in love with you," he said wonderingly, beyond amazed that this oh-so-obvious fact hadn't occurred to him sooner. It explained so much. His sense of contentment as long as the angel stayed by his side. The Cas-shaped hole that haunted him day and night whenever circumstances tore them apart. The anger, the grief, all the tears he'd shed every time he thought his angel was dead. The joy that lit a fire in his soul when they were reunited. The way Castiel felt in his arms on those rare occasions when they embraced.

It wasn't brotherhood. It wasn't mere friendship. It was love. A love unlike any other he'd ever known. Head over heels didn't begin to describe it. It was... it was everything. Cas was everything. And he wanted to give him everything in return.

The slow, shy smile that spread across Castiel's face, as if he was following Dean's train of thought (and maybe he was, because Dean was damned close to praying again), set Dean's pulse racing. He'd never seen Castiel look quite this way before: all soft and open; staring at Dean as if he'd just handed him the moon on a silver platter and promised him the stars as a side dish. Dean wanted to make time stand still. He wanted to bask in this momentous revelation forever.

Fortunately, the sputtering crackle of the diminishing rift commanded their attention: a sharp reminder that their escape from Purgatory was in serious jeopardy.

"Twenty seconds," Castiel warned. "Dean— "

"We have to go," Dean said. "Now. But this isn't over. Not by a long shot."

Castiel nodded, his expression dazed, yet full of hope.

When they stepped into the flickering rift, they were still holding hands.

And when they reached the other side, Dean drew the angel into his arms and kissed him as he'd always longed to do.

To his immense relief, Castiel didn't hesitate to hold and kiss him back.

Lips murmuring endearments in between hungry kisses, together they sank down to their knees, eager to make up for all the time they'd lost and wasted: each the answer to the other's prayers; two puzzle pieces finally completing each other; the reason for their return to Purgatory temporarily forgotten.


End file.
